The Art of Touch -What are You Feeling ???

The Art of Touch -What are You Feeling ???

The Art of Bonding is of utmost importance to You-Yourself and Your Partner. You have to be able to connect on a Soul level, get inside the essence of Self and Partner - Feel what they are Feeling, Thinking, Sense their inner most desires, places, that are craving to be inspired, nurtured and caressed. 

Touch is so important, We as a society have lost the Art of Bonding- physical sensations, nurturing. The Impact of Touch is so important that we humans fail to thrive without it. Studies have shown that when an infant is put in an incubator and only feed that, that  infant will thrive less than the infant that is also touched and loved while in the incubator.

We all CRAVE to be Held, Hugged, Loved, it is a natural human instinct.  Our skin is full of receptors that fed our brain and it then sends HAPPY endorphins into our blood stream. Endorphins are hormones that gets released in your brain and nervous system and it mimics the feeling of opiates, hence the natural high and beautiful sensations you are feeling and experiencing when in this heightened State of Awareness.

When you are being massaged, your entire body is in an state of gratitude for the Love it is receiving.  When you Hug someone a Bond is being formed, an energetic cord is being plugged into you and the other person and Energy is Flowing - Beaming between the two of you, and if you truly get quiet and breathe you can feel the pulse and the warmth of this field of energy.

A great way to reconnect to what is true Love without any expectations is to hold a baby and just breathe with the baby, you will feel this amazing sense of calm, pure love and warmth beaming into you.  There is nothing like holding a new born baby, I could hold one for hours and I have; they are so beautiful, mysterious, trusting, giving and they are trusting US to Love, Nurture, and care for them- what a GIFT…  Now, that is what bonding and touch is all about.  See if you can reconnect with that time when you held your children when they were babies ?  If you don’t have a child, hold one of your friend’s babies, I am sure they won’t mind, they could probably use the break.

Questions to ask yourself:
*Do you like to be touched ?
*Do you like to cuddle ?
*Have you ever had a massage ?
*Have you ever given a massage ?
*Do you like to be Hugged ?
*How often do you give Hugs out to others ?
*When you Hug do you make complete contact with the other person or is you butt and heart center away from the person a phrase loving called the "A frame hug" ?

*Do you hold hands with your partner ?
*Are you open to Public displays of  affection- Hugs, Holding Hands ?
*Do you like to Kiss ?
*Do you like to be kissed ?
*When holding an item do you take the time to explore the texture of the item ?
*Do you like the texture of soft things ?
*Do you like the texture of rough things ?
*When was the last time you took a Hot bath ?
*When was the last time you went in a Hot tub ?
*When was the last time you went in the Ocean ?
*When was the last time you held a baby ?

EXERCISES:

*Hug your partner, fully be present, with your heart center touching the other person’s heart, and breathe in your nose and out through your nose.  Continue to breathe in this way and stay in hug mode for a complete 30 seconds (time it). Allow your partner then to do the same to you.

*Create a special time and environment and Massage your Partner.

Another day have partner massage you. 

*Blind fold each other and take turns giving each other items and then have them guess as to what it is.

After exercises discuss with each other, how you felt about being 
Hugged for that long, where they completely Present ? Uncomfortable ? 


The Massage were they completely relaxed and able to let go.  
How was the massage ? 


Was there anything different You would want to have done during the massage- too soft, too hard ? 


Was it is easy or hard figuring out what you were holding in your hand ?  


Did you really take the time to tune in, did you get frustrated, 
give up, tune out ?

The Art of Touch is a book in of itself so I will leave you with the above for now... And this is an abbreviated article from a course I teach on "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey" and part of a book - handbook - DVD- and Audio I am in the middle of writing and working on.

The other Articles are: 

"The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?"

"The Art of Seeing, What are You Seeing ? "

"The Art of Communication, What are you Saying ?"

If you want to be put on the list for taking the course, please email contact info to: tlccoaching@gmail.com and indicate in subject heading: Want to know more about "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey"

The Muses of Carly Alyssa Thorne

Cocoon to Flight Publishing

2001 Copyright ©Transformations Life Coaching and Carly Alyssa Thorne

The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?

The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?

Note: This article is focused on relationships, however; you can apply much of what is said and discussed to friendships and business relationships.

If you are to have a lasting partnership of  any significance, the habit of truly listening must be learned. You must be ACTIVELY listening.  You must be able to hold your own in any conversation, be stimulating, yet knowing when to be silent and when to be in full listening mode for your partner. 

When Listening if your brain is racing and is already formulating the Answer to the question and you just can't wait for the other person to stop talking to share, or you interrupt, you are NOT in Active Listening mode... Interrupting is not only a BAD habit, it breaks the rapport you have established with the person you are communicating with. Equally important, is to create an atmosphere that is soothing to the ear; that can be done in several ways depending on the Mood you are intending to create and needed for the situation at hand.

Play music that you and your partner like, varying the music to the mood and setting.  It might even mean Silence is needed, create that by using the other Mood settings: like candles, opening a window and just listening to the breeze, birds, mother nature or just be in Silence and Observe.

Questions to ask yourself:

*When in listening mode, are you making eye contact ?

*Are you fully present in the moment ?

*Are your eyes wondering off ?

*Are you engaged in the conversation ?

*Are you listening, or are you already forming your answer and the next question in  your brain ?

*A good test of your listening skills is after you heard something to make sure you  have heard it correctly is to say to the other person, so if I am hearing you correctly you are saying that “ ___ “ is this correct.  In doing this you are also Validated the other person as well.

*You can also ask the other person, if  you think they are NOT listening, or didn’t understand you.  What did you hear me say, and have them repeat it back to you.

*Do you like quiet ?

*Do you like to have some background music playing all of the time ?

*What types of Music do you like

*What types of Music does your partner like ?

*Are you being Authentic and honest in your communication ?

EXERISES:

*Sit comfortably with Partner, Engage in dialogue about each other’s day, after the talk,  ask each other what they heard.  This is always an interesting exercise because when you then ask the other person what they heard, it is always amazing to hear them relay their personal perspective and interpretation of what they heard.  It is a great exercise to truly see how much they are truly listening and are present for the conversation. The more you practice this, the more you will learn to be present and be in ACTIVE listening mode.

Afterwards, Discuss what you both felt in doing the exercise.

*How did it feel being in Active Listening Mode ? 

*Did you fully believe them ?

*Where you uncomfortable ? 
*Did you find you were getting in defensive mode ?

*What was easier- Giving or Receiving ?

*Where both of you being Authentic or did it feel staged ?

The Art of Listening is a book in of itself so I will leave you with the above for now... This is an abbreviated article from a course I teach on "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey" and part of a book - handbook - DVD- and Audio I am in the middle of writing and working on.

The other Articles are: 

"The Art of Touch, What are you Feeling ?"

"The Art of Seeing, What are You Seeing ? "

"The Art of Communication, What are you Saying ?"

If you want to be put on the list for taking the course, please email contact info to: tlccoaching@gmail.com and indicate in subject heading: Want to know more about "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey"

The Muses of Carly Alyssa Thorne

Cocoon to Flight Publishing

2001 Copyright ©Transformations Life Coaching and Carly Alyssa Thorne

The Art of Communication, What are You Saying ?

The Art of Communication, What are You Saying ?

Verbal Communication- The Deal

This particular article on communication is focused on relationships... However, most of the questions and techniques also apply to friendships and business deals...

In all Business there is a deal that is struck between two parties, the same thing must apply in any relationship if you expect it to be one of substance and longevity.

How does that work ? Communication is KING.  One must be willing to be brutally honest about who they are and what they are willing to Contribute, Do, Be, etc…  I would like to add to that, that using Compassionate, Passionate Communications is key.  Ask as many questions as need be to arrive at a Win-Win situation where both parties needs are being met with optimum outcomes that are easy to achieve. You don’t want things to be Difficult-as all Relationships, Friendships, and Business are to be ENJOYED, otherwise what is the point.

Let me clarify WIN - WIN... A true win-win is when both parties are GIVING massive VALUE to one another because they CHOOSE to and for no other reason - Meaning there isn't the I did this for you, therefore, I expect this from you in return. You are either Willing to be completely in or not... Ultimately when we are GIVING freely to others willingly, the outcomes usually are that you are receiving as well; that just tends to be the way it is, that is if You are OPEN to receiving.  That is a whole other subject. 

Be sure to be extremely interested about your Partners, needs, wants, and goals and; be CRYSTAL clear what both of your INTENTIONS are. I don’t like to use the word expectations because that usually is a set up for failure, so I always use the word Intentions instead; and it is the INTENTIONS of both parties that will either make or break any Relationship, Personal or Business. 

The Ultimate setting for a Powerful, Sustainable, Joyful, Passionate Relationship is to have  a Values and Goals alignment between two parties, where it is a Big Win-Win about the most commons things in any partnership: Values, Overall Outcomes wanted, Dreams, Interests, Friendships, Money, Sex, Work, How many Children, How will we raise our children, as all of these things are Vital to any successful relationship. FRIENDSHIP between the two parties is essential, it is the foundation of trust and is the pivotal building block to the beginning of anything and everything else.

Communication also involves being versed in many things, educating yourself about what is going on Politically, Staying current on current events,  staying in the know about your partners business, on things You and Your partner enjoy Hobby wise and more. Being SELF EDUCATED is as important as having a College degree. College degrees are great, and I know a lot of famous people that never went to college or even folks that dropped out of college like Bill Gates did. As long as you are continually SELF- educating yourself that is all that matters. Our brains are a beautiful thing, and a shame to waste, nourish it with things you are passionate about, learn about different cultures, Read books, Magazines, take self-development courses, Travel, learn a second language, become as diversified as you can.  Diversity is the cornerstone to great Communication, as well as being able to Ebb and Flow in any given environment or situation.

The art of negotiation or another way to put is, persuasion; is another important skill to Master. Do you know how to negotiate – persuade ? In life you are going to be in situations where you are going to have to negotiate, you might as well learn how do it effectively and where you are creating Win-Win situations. I believe in creating Win-Win situations in all business whether it be personal, relationships, financial or other, both parties come out happy and usually the deal is a lot sweeter, Productive and Abundant all around.  Again, I will say that creating a Win-Win does not mean I did this for You therefore You owe me this. When we offer or give to another or make a deal it has to be an authentic Give- meaning you are choosing to do it because you want to and for no other reason and you have no expectation of the return.  This is KEY...  You will find that in all deals, when are doing what You love and for no other reason your deal making will be a lot more effortless and rewarding. 

Now, there is a saying that one should never expect anything lest you be disappointed, that is a true statement in my opinion. First off, I don’t personally like the word “Should” I should have done this or that, and I never go into anything expecting anything because we are all beings of free will and Choice and bottom line, you can lead a person to water, however; you can’t make them drink it.  Having an in depth conversation with someone you care about, where there is Chemistry, Symmetry, and a Connection and you Align on Dreams, Intentions, Outcomes and Passions, it makes for a much more Fun, solid Foundation from which to build on.  You have to have a solid Foundation, Core and Friendship in which to build from, asking these questions and taking ACTION steps from all the questions below will help you do that.

A Huge factor in The Art of Communication is FEEDBACK...  It is through Feedback that we can Choose to Learn, Play and Grow or not... Don't be afraid to give someone feedback, just remember to Always Speak from Your HEART, Speak Freely, However; Be Authentic, Honest, Compassionate, Passionate, Have a Steady Relaxed tone, Relaxed body language, and in a way that it can be HEARD... One of my favorite phrases is Compassionate Passionate Communications, meaning when talking to someone come from you Heart speak passionately and have compassion. 

Whether you know it or not, everything you Say is USUALLY something somebody else has been WAITING to Hear, We are All AMAZING Teachers and Healers for one another...  

Personally, I will always ask the person if they are OPEN to feedback and I watch their body language, as I ask the question. In doing so, the Feedback will be able to be Heard, Processed, Absorbed and then Integrated easier, than just starting a conversation with feedback and then the person's walls might start to come up because they are feeling blindsided and then they start to get defensive. 

Questions to ask yourself  and Partner - What are your Intentions:

You can Alter these questions for Business and or Friendship I have focused on Relationships here in the questions.

*Joint account for household purposes

*Make sure to always have one account in your name to establish credit and independence.

*What is expected of you financially ?

*What is expected of your partner financially ?

*What are your common outcomes financially ?

*You really need to have a FRANK conversation about sex as sex is different for everyone.

*Sex how often ?

*What type of sex how often ?

*What is Great sex for you, for him, positions etc.. ?

*What turns each of you on ?   Where ?

*Talk about each other’s fantasies.

*What are the DEAL breakers, meaning if you do this I AM DONE or if you do this I am willing to talk about it etc…

*Am I expected to work ?

*Can I be a stay at home mom ?

*Can I work from home ?

*Can You work with Your Partner on a business ?

*Are you expected to support partner ?

*Are you expecting partner to support you ?

*Do you want children ?

*How many ?

*Do you want to adopt ?

*Have your own and adopt ?

*Align on Child rearing methods.

*Do not wait till you have children to discuss how you would raise them, that is a disaster waiting to happen.

*What Religion if any are we going to raise them with ?

*Do you keep yourself educated thru self- study, self development courses, reading ?

*Do you know the art of negotiation ?

*Are you up to date on current events ?

*Do you know your partners likes and dislkes ?

*Do you know each others Passions, Dreams ?

*What do you and your partner like to do Hobby wise ?

The questions are Endless- get CREATIVE, and jot down some of your own questions you may have.

Questions to ask yourself about Your Communication Skills:

*When responding are you talking to fast ?  Slow ?

*Are you an interesting conversationalist ?

*Are you being articulate ?

*Are you being understood ?

*Position yourself at an angle to the person when talking to establish a better rapport, it sets them at ease, then squaring off with them.

*Is your body language Relaxed ?

*How do you handle Feeback ?

*How do you give Feedback ?

*Are you being Authentic- Yourself ?

Below are some fun exercises to Learn, Play and Grow with...

EXCERISES:

*Write up for yourself what are your intentions in being in the relationship with your partner.

*Pick from the questions above which ones are most important to you, and then enter into a discussion where you both come to terms on said arrangement and what your Intentions are towards each other and the common outcome.

*Sit in chairs opposite from each other and while looking into each others eyes, you are going to say only Positive, Loving Things to your partner about how you feel and Appreciate them, do this for 1 minute. The partner who is RECEIVING is not to say anything the entire time, they are just to be Listening and in Receive Mode. The objective here is for each partner to be able to give and receive without any judgement. Do this 3x each.

By the way this is an awesome exercise for Co-workers as well.

The Art of Communication is a book in of itself so I will leave you with the above for now... And this is an abbreviated article from a course I teach on "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey" and part of a book - handbook - DVD- and Audio I am in the middle of writing and working on.

The other Articles are: 

"The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?"

"The Art of Touch, What are You Feeling ?"

"The Art of Seeing, What are You Seeing ?"

If you want to be put on the list for taking the course, please email contact info to: tlccoaching@gmail.com and indicate in subject heading: Want to know more about "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey"

The Muses of Carly Alyssa Thorne

Cocoon to Flight Publishing

2001 Copyright ©Transformations Life Coaching and Carly Alyssa Thorne