Monday, January 30, 2012

The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?

The Art of Listening, What are You Hearing ?

Note: This article is focused on relationships, however; you can apply much of what is said and discussed to friendships and business relationships.

If you are to have a lasting partnership of  any significance, the habit of truly listening must be learned. You must be ACTIVELY listening.  You must be able to hold your own in any conversation, be stimulating, yet knowing when to be silent and when to be in full listening mode for your partner. 

When Listening if your brain is racing and is already formulating the Answer to the question and you just can't wait for the other person to stop talking to share, or you interrupt, you are NOT in Active Listening mode... Interrupting is not only a BAD habit, it breaks the rapport you have established with the person you are communicating with. Equally important, is to create an atmosphere that is soothing to the ear; that can be done in several ways depending on the Mood you are intending to create and needed for the situation at hand.

Play music that you and your partner like, varying the music to the mood and setting.  It might even mean Silence is needed, create that by using the other Mood settings: like candles, opening a window and just listening to the breeze, birds, mother nature or just be in Silence and Observe.

Questions to ask yourself:

*When in listening mode, are you making eye contact ?
*Are you fully present in the moment ?
*Are your eyes wondering off ?
*Are you engaged in the conversation ?
*Are you listening, or are you already forming your answer and the next question in  your brain ?

*A good test of your listening skills is after you heard something to make sure you  have heard it correctly is to say to the other person, so if I am hearing you correctly you are saying that “ ___ “ is this correct.  In doing this you are also Validated the other person as well.

*You can also ask the other person, if  you think they are NOT listening, or didn’t understand you.  What did you hear me say, and have them repeat it back to you.

*Do you like quiet ?
*Do you like to have some background music playing all of the time ?
*What types of Music do you like
*What types of Music does your partner like ?
*Are you being Authentic and honest in your communication ?


*Sit comfortably with Partner, Engage in dialogue about each other’s day, after the talk,  ask each other what they heard.  This is always an interesting exercise because when you then ask the other person what they heard, it is always amazing to hear them relay their personal perspective and interpretation of what they heard.  It is a great exercise to truly see how much they are truly listening and are present for the conversation. The more you practice this, the more you will learn to be present and be in ACTIVE listening mode.

Afterwards, Discuss what you both felt in doing the exercise.
*How did it feel being in Active Listening Mode ? 
*Did you fully believe them ?
*Where you uncomfortable ? 
*Did you find you were getting in defensive mode ?
*What was easier- Giving or Receiving ?
*Where both of you being Authentic or did it feel staged ?

The Art of Listening is a book in of itself so I will leave you with the above for now... This is an abbreviated article from a course I teach on "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey" and part of a book - handbook - DVD- and Audio I am in the middle of writing and working on.

The other Articles are: 
"The Art of Touch, What are you Feeling ?"
"The Art of Seeing, What are You Seeing ? "
"The Art of Communication, What are you Saying ?"

If you want to be put on the list for taking the course, please email contact info to: and indicate in subject heading: Want to know more about "The Art of the Multi-Sensory Journey"

The Muses of Carly Alyssa Thorne
Cocoon to Flight Publishing

2001 Copyright ©Transformations Life Coaching and Carly Alyssa Thorne


  1. I do listen. I hear what is said & sometimes that's what is meant. But people don't hear me quite often. I don't know why.

    1. Kate sometimes people don't hear us, because of either our tone, postering, energy, our intention etc..

  2. Great tips for all areas of life Carly, thanks for sharing!


Thanks for taking the Time to Read our Post...

All feedback is welcome as it gives us the opportunity to Learn, Play, and Grow each and every day...

We are the Actors-Actresses, Writers, Editors, Producers, Directors, Co-Creators of Our Lives, We can create anything, anytime... Lets Do it -
Carly Alyssa Thorne