Sunday, December 30, 2012

Does it Pay to Be Honest ?

While Randy Gage has been on Vacation he has had some Amazing Speaker Guests do his Daily Wisdom Blog Posts.

About a week ago Joachim DePosada and International Speaker and the Author of "Don't Eat the Marshmallow"  a book I highly recommend wrote a blog on "Does it Pay to be Honest"

One of his points was that "more often than not, dishonesty is provoked by fear or danger."

Below is Webster's dicitionary Definition of Honesty - Noun
- Shak.

- 1 Tim. ii. 2.

So the question is - DO YOU BELIEVE IT PAY'S TO BE HONEST ?
And does Fear and or Danger play a Role in the decision making to be  dishonest ?

I do Agree with Joachim DePosada that a lot of people Lie out of Fear and Or Danger...  There are quite a few degrees of difference between Fear and Danger -
Are You in Fear of ?
A- Hurting somebody's feelings ?
B- Losing a Friend, Job, Spouse etc... ?
C- Being Physically Hurt ?

Obviously, A & B are very Different than C however, if one's Emotions are running high - to some A & B could feel like C.  They could feel like they are being personally attacked.

Regardless, of whether it is A, B or C - I,  personally believe "HONESTY"
is Key in all communications, and that in the end, it is for the greater good.

And... YES... I am NOT perfect and I am sure when I was a Child I said my share of Lie's and even as an adult I know I have in the past told some lies for the same reasons listed in A, B and C.

And... I am speaking from personal experience as I have personally been in the situations of A, B & C... Yes even "C" and when I was in "C" it wasn't until I was willing to be COMPLETELY "HONEST" that I was actually SAVED... And... the Cost was Extremely High... I Lost everything in the process - Friends, Family, House etc... Long Story, I did write a blog about it, however let's not get sidetracked, and get back to this Blog post. 

Was it worth it ?  Absolutely 100% Yes... I got my life back literally...

Today, however I have to say... I truly do attempt to be HONEST regardless of the cost and here are some of the tools I use to that, and I will also share a Story that just recently happened. 

Tool One: 
*Speak from a Compassionate Passionate Place.
*Be Clear on Your Intention before engaging in the discussion.
*What is the Purpose of this conversation.
*Are you Attempting to PROVE Your Point ?
*Or Are You wanting to Improve a situation that will help empower 
both parties ?

Tool Two: 
*Look at the person's body language.
*Are they going to be OPEN to  hearing what you have to say.  
*Tap into Your Multi-Sensory Awareness.
*Do they have their Arms crossed in front of their chest ?
*Are they raising their voice ?
*Are they automatically responding with a defense tone ?
*Are they getting emotional - Crying ? 

Here is an Article I did on

Personally, I also ask someone if they are "OPEN" to Feedback and Immediately let them now that I TOO... am OPEN to all feedback... And I also never use the word "BUT" when I am sharing feedback as the word "BUT" tends to create more triggers...

Example: See if you can feel and or hear the difference in this sentence....
"I Love You, But..." 
"I Love You, And..."

When we say the Word "BUT" the unconscious inner child comes up with waiting for the other shoe to drop if you will... We are waiting for the Criticism or we are thinking OH NO... here comes the... and then what happens is the person's ARMOR goes up and they are MORE on the defensive and ARE NOT going to hear what you are saying...

Versus when we use the Word "AND"... it is a much Softer word and ALLOWS
for more communication to happen...  

Tool Three: 
"The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Biggest challenges in Speaking Honestly is NOT allowing yourself to go to two places:
1- Assuming
2- Taking things Personally

Ask Questions instead of assuming and... Realize that we are all UNIQUE beings with UNIQUE perspectives on Life... and what might mean one thing to us might mean something COMPLETELY different to somebody else...

I wrote a Blog Post about  Is it Criticism or Feedback ?

Tool Four:
Always Attempt to do important Feedback in Person.
I always ATTEMPT to do feedback in PERSON or if I have to, the next best choice is via Phone...
Text, Emails etc... are literally like opening Pandoras box if you will...
Text and Or Emails and even the phone sometimes does not fully portray and or convey Full Intentions or Emotions.

Tool Five: 
In all relationships... Say THANK YOU, and Give Praise, Inspiration, and Empowerment as Often as possible.

So, here is an example of a Recent Actual Facebook situation where I held true to being Honest and Authentic:
An old friend who I had a Falling out with decided to Block me on Facebook,
and when I was asked by various Mutual Friends I told them the TRUTH about why I had "Unfriended him" and then eventually I had to "Block" the person.
That  person went onto to spreading some "UNTRUTHS" and even posted a
"RANT" on their wall.  As a result, some of our "MUTUAL" Friends unfriended ME and even "BLOCKED" Me... 

So, I attempted to reach out via Phone with not much success and then eventually emailed a few people and asked "Why" and that is when I found out about the person's untruthful rant.  I then proceeded to tell them my Truth and my side, however; since they had been friends with this person longer, they still choose to side with the other person... UNTIL...that person's TRUE Colors started to show... AND... I got an Email which then led to a Phone call saying... "I and the others are Soooo Sorry we didn't believe You... We have since found out You were telling the truth... Please forgive Us, we feel so bad... You have never done anything to hurt us and You are such an amazing person..." I was also asked to please add them as friends again. 

I said no problem and that I understood, and that I was glad they finally saw the person's true colors and added them back as friends per their request.

I also wrote a blog post on Social Media Etiquette, as a lot of problems can arise if you don't follow a few simple rules.

Another Midnight Production
Enjoy the Journey
2012©Carly Alyssa Thorne


  1. You are right Carly. Although it's not always easy to be honest, it definitely leads to better communication.

  2. Carly, I find that if you keep the Four Agreements ... plus the Fifth ... you will live in greatest honesty with yourself, and consequently with others.

  3. I'd like to bring up an example from the times of 2nd world war: a Jewish family was hiding in a cellar. A young lady, who was not Jewish, knew where and who that family was. An SS officer was interrogating neighborhood in an attempt to discover the whereabouts of the Jewish family. The officer has threatened to execute all the residents of the neighborhood, if the location of Jewish family was not revealed. Throughout the war various outcomes of such scenario took place: entire neighborhoods were wiped out, because people were unwilling to give in and tell the truth; some Jewish families climbed out of the cellars just to be slaughtered; some people, for fear of their lives, told the truth, and had Jewish families executed...

    To me - honesty or dishonesty is about taking responsibility for ones actions and taking responsibility for the outcomes of such actions.


Thanks for taking the Time to Read our Post...

All feedback is welcome as it gives us the opportunity to Learn, Play, and Grow each and every day...

We are the Actors-Actresses, Writers, Editors, Producers, Directors, Co-Creators of Our Lives, We can create anything, anytime... Lets Do it -
Carly Alyssa Thorne